Not Having Kids? Not Buying a Car?: My side of the Story

Not Having Kids? Not Buying a Car?: My side of the Story

I recently learned that I might very well be contributing to the decline of the natural born U.S. citizens. As a college-educated urban millennial woman, I find myself on the edge of my seat these days, itching to learn what new institutional-crushing superpower market researchers and journalists have uncovered about me.

I’m 26 years old and, in addition to not having or planning on having kids, I don’t own a house or even a car. I use to feel ashamed of my lack of control over my life and how I was potentially letting down my family by not actually manufacturing a life for myself to mirror that of my mother and grandmother (women who firmly believe that children are what make life complete).

I  have no idea what my life will look like in 3 years, let alone 6 months, and I’ve recently accepted that I really don’t have time right now to think about it. Long story short, here are 5 reasons why I’m told need to have kids and why I absolutely will not.

no-time
knowyourmeme.com

 

You need to pass on your legacy.

Seeing as you likely skipped the intro, I’ll reiterate the fact that I don’t own any property of value such as a house or vehicle and have no desire to. So, if I died today, what exactly would I be leaving to pass down? My refurbished laptop? An Instagram account of barely 50 followers?

You would make such cute babies. 

My S.O. (significant other) is cute and she thinks I’m cute. But I am literally a meat sack of recessive genes and, well the logistics of us reproducing aren’t readily plausible logistically.

You will have more people to share the fruit of your success with.

My over-21 friends have loads of fun attending brunch and paying for alcoholic beverages with our hard-earned money.

Babies smell good.

That is a very very strong argument. Babies do in fact smell heavenly. Sometimes, when I’m feeling down, I will randomly request to hold a baby. Babies are wonderful. They love you unconditionally and they can’t walk into the kitchen steal your leftover Thai food when you’re not looking. However, a 6-year-old can, a 15-year-old can, and so can the 23-year-old college grad who will inevitably be living in your basement rent-free for another 5 years. I’m good.  

Children are a reflection of the love you and your spouse share.

Please see #3. The love of my life, too, enjoys the brunch. We drink mimosas and talk about our feelings.

4 Reasons to Volunteer and Then Reflect Afterword

4 Reasons to Volunteer and Then Reflect Afterword

There are a number of reasons why it’s good to reflect on our volunteer experiences just as there are a number of reasons why people volunteer. Below are reasons why we reflect and why it is an important part of community service.

#4) Reflection and other feedback help organizations provide the best services to the community or constituency.

Charity XYZ specializes in providing free lunch to youth in impoverished neighborhoods throughout major cities in the county during the summer. They do this by sending out volunteer delivery drivers to operate lunchtime food trucks. Charity XYZ has been providing the same service to the same areas for over a decade even after cities have been seeing rapid gentrification.

Now, of course, any charity would be prompted to make changes based on heavily monitored social trends, but who’s to say a positive change wasn’t sparked by feedback from a volunteer truck driver who’s been working in a city known for its low income Latino population when he notices that for the last five years many of the “kids” coming to his truck have been college interns and young stay‑at‑home moms living in the new upscale condos nearby?

Reflection gives us the opportunity to provide organizations with more in‑depth insight on the effectiveness of their volunteer approach.

#3) Serving others helps put your own circumstances into perspective.

It isn’t very kind to downplay anyone’s struggles, but with that said, spending a few hours working with a person who’d feel lucky just to get one meal a day might make that super cool iPhone upgrade seem a little less significant. It is widely understood that we don’t realize how fortunate we are until we witness others who are experiencing much worse. Reflection helps reiterate this idea.

Sometimes volunteering isn’t always about privilege‑checking. Sometimes our lives can be really stressful or totally uneventful and volunteering may provide a therapeutic escape. Reflection may help you realize this and prompt you to volunteer more!

#2) Reflection helps keep us humble.

Imperfection is a part of being human. Not everyone is out to help others and, likewise, not every do‑gooder is a saint. It would be easy to assume that anyone willing to devote their time and energy to a good cause has to be completely selfless, virtuous and wise. That isn’t always the case.

Many reflection surveys ask volunteers what they’ve learned or how their experience has inspired them. It is important for people to understand that serving others is a mutual learning experience. We work on ourselves when we work on others.

In addition to helping the community, volunteering and non‑for‑profit work is a great way to build skills, knowledge AND your resume. This is all great, but issues in the community don’t cease just because Jenny finally got into that Sociology Ph.D. program on the other side of the country. It’s called ‘community service’ because it’s about the community.

#1) Doing good can make you feel so good that you HAVE to share it with someone.

This reason is hard to explain if you’ve never gone out and worked in your community. Community service is just as much worth the Facebook and Instagram share as that trip to the beach or a night out with friends. Whether you were required or you signed up by choice, there’s nothing like the feeling you get from doing something good and productive.

Reflecting opens up the opportunity to connect with like‑minded individuals and teach others about the benefits of volunteering.

Shameless Plugging!!! (1st Edition)

Shameless Plugging!!! (1st Edition)

I interrupt everyone’s regularly scheduled weekend plans to ask for your support for a dear, dear friend.

Fellow UNC Asheville alumnus, Yaw, is set to attend the Queer Youth Leading in The South (QYLTS) Action Camp , and it looks like he needs our help.

Yaw and I met when he was a freshman in college. He went from being a mentee, to being my best friend, to being one of my biggest role models (seriously, this guy is the coolest). Since being out since 2013, he has educated and dedicated himself to social justice work and simply couldn’t contain himself when he told me about his invitation to QYLTS Action Camp.I am truly proud of the man he has become (and still coming to terms with him being much cooler than me). This summer is only the beginning of a long list of great things to come from my good friend.

I ask that you please help my friend make this opportunity a reality. He is accepting donations here.

roh wishes you the best, Yaw!

 

Yaw’s campaign https://www.gofundme.com/2axqung
Information about QYLTS Action Camp http://qyltscamp.org/
A great article written by Yaw https://76crimes.com/2016/02/05/akwaaba-welcome-says-ghana-but-not-if-youre-gay/
So Here I Am, Spitting In A Tube For 5 Minutes..

So Here I Am, Spitting In A Tube For 5 Minutes..

For as long as I could remember, I’ve been interested in culture, heritage and the things that make us all unique. As an African-American, it’s disappointing to face the reality that knowledge of my African family history will never reach farther back than my great grandparents (for most of us, knowledge barely surpasses our grandparents). My resourcefulness and love of history led me to discover my Native American (Haliwa-Saponi) roots, but I was always curious to learn more.

I finally gave in and purchased a DNA test kit which promises to give me answers to all my questions about my identity. Not only will my ethnic makeup be broken down, but I will also learn about my physical traits and diseases I’m more or less likely to carry. I’m excited and anxious at the same time. Imagine having a laundry list of all the diseases you have an 80% chance of dying from..

In a little over a month I should have my results. In the meantime, I’m enjoying this process as a nice conversation starter.

 

Until next time,

J

HIV And The Case For Men In The Closet

HIV And The Case For Men In The Closet

I’ve come across two major thought camps of homophobes, with one being, not surprisingly, anti-everything-that-isn’t-heterosexual-and-or-heteronormative. I wont’t waste time on a multidemensional explanation for such a shallow group of people. The second group, however, manages to be only slightly more interesting, in that they are homophobic at the core, but they’ve somehow designated themselves as diplomats. This group may consist of the people you will hear saying, ” If you’re gay, just be gay! It’s these men on the down low who are causing problems.” More on my issues with this in a minute…

Homophobia in the black community is a deep dark rabbit hole of opinions and miseducation, but for now, I’d like to focus on the subject of closeted gay men in relation to the subject of HIV/AIDS. People of all levels of anti-gayness  will often use the spread of HIV as a justification for their ostracism. But mainstream and even “black” media does an excellent job of demonizing closeted queer men in addition to misrepresenting LGBTQ people (including not respresenting them at all). With total disregard to how openly gay men of color are judged and mistreated in society (and even within the gay community) and no consideration for how still very uneducated even the most educated of black people are on social issues that aren’t viewed as a “black issue”, people are still baffled at the idea that a man would go so far as to marry a woman to cover up his homosexual inclinations. It’s 2016 and people still practice skin bleaching! But I digress…

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently reported that half of all black African-American men will be diagnosed with HIV. I appreciate objective material that presents fact and encourages people to use the information to work toward more education and positive change. But I’m a pessimist (yes, I know..sorry). I am not convinced that the people sharing articles about 50% of gay black men having HIV care about the health status of the gay community. Assuming that folk actually read past the shock jock-y headline, these types of articles will likely be shared to say, “Hey! See? These gay people are at it again.”

Just as poverty in the black community isn’t as simple as “black people are lazy”, the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in the gay community isn’t just “DL brothers” effing things up.

(Cheating on your spouse or partner ain’t cool no matter who is doing it, but that is a matter of character, not sexual identity.)

Think Like a Hero : Do you share the same learning styles as your favorite superhero? Possibly!

Think Like a Hero : Do you share the same learning styles as your favorite superhero? Possibly!

Based on how this learning style inventory describes these seven different ways of learning, here is how some of your favorite heroes and heroine might be categorized.

Mighty-Morphin-PowerRangers

Visual or Spatial (learning with the help of imagery)

Spider-Man – In addition taking pictures for a living, Spidey spends a lot of time people watching from the top of New York’s skyscrapers. That’s a great way to snoop out criminals, locate kittens who may need rescuing…or, learn what Gwen Stacy’s favorite new restaurant is. 

 

Aural (learning with the help of music or sound)Mikeys pizzas

Michaelangelo – As the free-spirited and fun-loving brother of the Ninja Turtle bunch, Mikey’s fluidity and colorful personality meshes well with that of an aural learner. If Drake put out one of those 90s style math hip-hop albums, no question this ninja’s mom is buying it.

 

Verbal (if it’s written or spoken, you get it)

Hermione Granger – Harry and Ron would be completely lost without her. Many consider her twice the magic maker as The Boy Who Lived. Part of what made her such a smart and skilled witch was her genuine love of reading. Spell books, potion recipes, newspapers, you name it. She was always reading ahead, even to some professors irritation. Reading will forever be fundamental.

 

Physical or Kinesthetic (you’re a hands-on learner who probably can’t sit still)

Zack Taylor , the Black Ranger – Before that brief period when Zac Efron was a pop star, there was Zack, the original Black Ranger. He was famous for his saving folks, practicing martials arts with his buddy, Jason, and more importantly, his dance moves. He is what I like to call a “master of movement”. 

 

Solitary (you need some time to think it over…alone)

Batman – Obviously.

 

Social (brinCookg oooon the group work)

Natalie Cook – So what makes this Charlie’s Angel a social learner? She’s smart bubbly and is a real people person. One could bet that she was really into group work in school.

 

 

 

Logical or Mathematical (objective, calculating, by the book)

Blossom – You just wait until the Powerpuff Girls graduate from college, Reed Richards. Blossom might have the smarts to…well, at least intern for you while she’s working on her master’s. She is the “Commander and the Leader” of the trio and is usually the one resolving conflicts between her sisters, kicking butt, strategizing missions and following all the rules. That definitely takes a sharp, logical and objective mind.

Knowing your individual learning styles is useful in and out of the classroom. Learn more here.